So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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