Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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