haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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