dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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