We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
did i just pee glitter
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
