I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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