youre lurking in front of me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
