I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
True strength comes from lack of pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
