i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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