I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
