Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
