my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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