We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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