your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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