She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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