i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
