Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dick very happy bro
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
