the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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