So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
