my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
