ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
