nut hugger
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
