Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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