Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
