i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
