She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
