i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
