I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
