dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
