Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
