At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
