i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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