"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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