You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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