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i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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