Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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