do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
