dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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