So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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