I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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