we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
