oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
