Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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