Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
