I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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