About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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