My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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