Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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