Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
