No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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