Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
