We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
