We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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