Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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