I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
