wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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