Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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