Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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