i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
