I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
