Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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