i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
