I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
