My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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